Busy hard working times

Hello my fellow Americans.

I am very busy today working on the speech where I am going to tell America why it needs to sends more troops to Iraq. The question used to be why we went there in the first place, and I am happy that we don't talk about that anymore because its was so long ago and doesn't really matter anymore.

You see, it's like this - Saddam Hussien was an a-hole. He tried to kill my daddy. And he had made all these big time oil contracts with the French and the Soviets ummmm- the Russians! These contracts weren't with American companies, and when the Terrists who run the UN finally decided that the sanctions should be lifted on Iraqi oil exports, it was all going to go to Total and Gasprom for resale in Europe, India, and China and Africa, and none of it was going to go to my buddies over at Exxon and Chevron.

And we couldn't have THAT - it would really undermine the Republican Party and cheap gas for cars like the Hummer. So, to get the Frogs and Rooskies out of Iraq, we had to take out Iraq from that equation. Ya see, the original plan that my Daddy cooked up and Clinton worked with was that we'd keep a foot on the neck of Hussein and a clamp down on Iraqi oil production. Because as we all know, oil is one of them non-renewable types of resources. So as long as we keep the Iraqi oil in the ground, we've got oil for the future. Once it's gone, it's really really gone. Like, forever or a really long time.

Well, early in my admin, I wanted to take Saddam out because he's an a-hole and tried to kill my daddy. But that wasn't enough. Then a bunch of energy experts came over to my place and had a sit down with Cheney. and they all told him that Kuwait's biggest field was about to go into decline, and that the Saudis were pumping something like 30% seawater out of their biggest field. So, it was clear we needed to turn on the Iraqi oil tap and route it to the USA.

Now, we needed this done fast, and on the cheap. Rummy said it was no problem. We'd walk over the Iraqis in a week or three. And we were told by our most trusted sources they would see us as liberators and everything would be hunkydory. Things didn't quite turn out that way - and the main mission is still before us. The oil is still in the ground and we gotta make sure we go there and get it.

Some critics say that losing Iraqi oil will scuttle the American War Machine. That isn't true, but it will put a great big dent in American Economic prosperity. I know how to chop wood. Most Americans don't.

Now, trying to tell the American Public anything is hard enough, so rather than level with them about all of that stuff - and it is pretty complicated - makes me kinda dizzy thinkin about it all - we had to tell everyone we were going in for more immediate and scary reasons. So we cooked up all that bullshit about bombs and WMD and nuculer weapons and stuff, and tossed it out to the Mainstream Press. Heck - everyone was so freaked out about 9/11 - even I was freaked out about 9/11 - that it didn't take much for everyone to buy into it hook, line, and sinker. Once we were there, it didn't matter. We were there, and we have our boots on top of the oil.

And we are there. But we can't get the oil until we get a coherent government in Iraq to go out and kick some terrist ass and get the pumps working. So that's why we need more troops in Iraq. Once we get Baghdad settled, we can then set about developing the Iraqi oil sites. The Kurds are cool - they don't give a shit about the rest of Iraq. They've got plenty of oil up near Kirkuk. And the Shiites - they've got huge reserves. It's just them Sunni bastards that are holding out on us. Once the government is settled in and can control Baghdad, the rest will follow and we can focus on the ayatollah assaholas in Iran. They are in the Axis of evil, and they are evil Evil EVIL!!!!

Well, got get back to testing my speechifying. I got me a really good speech. It's total crap, but it'll get the point across. And ya know what? I think the Democrats, once they see that the so-called "America War Machine's" very survival is at stake, I think they'll sign on to this troop surge thing. Because the Democrats won with money from the same corporations that have paid for Republicans for decades.

gotta go!

GWB